Ever caught yourself saying something that made you cringe inside? You’re not alone! Did you know that a staggering 85% of people struggle with self-confidence at some point in their lives? But here’s the kicker – the words we use can be dead giveaways of our inner insecurities.
In this article, we will dive into the world of psychology to uncover 10 phrases that scream “low self-confidence.” Get ready to transform your self-talk and skyrocket your self- confidence!
Phrase #1: “I’m sorry, but…”
I used to be the queen of unnecessary apologies. “I’m sorry, but I have a question,” I’d say in meetings, or “I’m sorry, but I disagree” during discussions.
It was like I was apologizing for my very existence! A psychologist friend of mine pointed out that this habit was a clear sign of my low self-confidence.
By constantly apologizing, I was subconsciously telling myself and others that my thoughts, needs, and presence were a burden.
It was a tough habit to break, but I started by catching myself mid-sentence. Instead of “I’m sorry, but I have an idea,” I’d say, “I have an idea I’d like to share.” The change was subtle, but powerful.
People started paying more attention to my contributions and ideas, and I felt more valued.
Remember, apologies are for when you’ve done something wrong, not for when you’re simply trying to express yourself or put across your thought or idea!
Phrase #2: “I’m not sure if this is right, but…”
Oh, how familiar I was with this phrase! “I’m not sure if this is right, but…” was my go-to preface for nearly every idea I shared. It was like I was giving myself an out, a safety net in case someone disagreed or found fault with my thoughts.
What I didn’t realize was that this little disclaimer was undermining my credibility before I even got my point across. A mentor once stopped me mid-sentence and said, “why don’t you try that again, but this time, own your idea?”
It felt uncomfortable at first, but I started presenting my thoughts without the doubt-laden intro. To my surprise, people were more receptive, and I felt more confident.
It’s not about being right all the time, but about valuing your own perspective enough to present it without preemptive apologies.
Phrase #3: “I’ll try…”
“I’ll try to get that report done by next week,” I’d say, or “I’ll try to make it to the event.” I thought I was being cautious, avoiding over-promising. In reality, I was giving myself an easy out and signaling a lack of confidence in my abilities.
A colleague once challenged me: “what’s the difference between ‘I’ll try’ and ‘I will’?” It hit me – ‘try’ implied potential failure, while ‘will’ showed commitment and belief in my capability to follow through.
Switching from “I’ll try” to “I will” (or “I won’t” if I truly couldn’t commit) was transformative. Not only did others rely on me more, but I also found myself more motivated to follow through.
It taught me that confidence isn’t about being able to do everything, but about being clear and committed in what I choose to do.
Phrase #4: “I’m no expert, but…”
“I’m no expert, but…” was my safe haven, especially in professional settings. Even after years in my field, I’d preface my contributions with this phrase. It was classic imposter syndrome – I felt like a fraud, waiting to be ‘found out’.
A turning point came during a conference when a colleague pulled me aside after my presentation. “Why did you undermine yourself like that?” she asked. “You clearly know your stuff.”
Her words made me realize I was discrediting myself before others had a chance to form their own opinions.
Gradually, I started owning my knowledge. Instead of “I’m no expert,” I’d say, “Based on my experience…” It felt boastful at first, but I soon realized it wasn’t about claiming to know everything – it was about acknowledging and valuing my own expertise and contributions.
Phrase #5: “It’s probably a stupid question, but…”
I cringe remembering how often I’ve started questions with “this is probably stupid, but…” It was my way of protecting myself from judgment, a preemptive strike against potential criticism.
But here’s the thing – it usually had the opposite effect. Not only did it make me feel smaller, but it also often made others uncomfortable, unsure how to respond.
The breakthrough came in a workshop where the facilitator had a ‘no self-deprecation’ rule. At first, it felt exposing to ask questions without my usual shield. But as the day progressed, I noticed something: my questions weren’t stupid at all.
They often sparked interesting discussions and others thanked me for asking. It taught me that questions aren’t a sign of stupidity, but of curiosity and engagement.
Now, I simply ask what I want to know, without giving any disclaimers.
Phrase #6: “I’m just…”
“I’m just new to this,” I’d say, or “I’m just calling to check…” This habit of minimizing myself was so ingrained, I hardly noticed it. But a mentor pointed out how this little word ‘just’ was belittling my role and my actions.
He challenged me to ban ‘just’ from my vocabulary for a week. It was eye-opening. Without ‘just’, I had to own my position and my actions fully. “I’m a junior associate” sounded more confident than “I’m just a junior associate.”
“I’m calling to follow up” felt more purposeful than “I’m just calling to check.” This small change forced me to recognize my value and the importance of my actions.
It wasn’t about inflating my importance, but about accurately representing myself and my contributions.
The shift in how others perceived me was noticeable, but more importantly, I started to see myself in a new, more confident light.
Phrase #7: “What if I fail?”
“What if I fail?” This question used to haunt me. Whether it was applying for a promotion, starting a new project, or even trying a new hobby, this fear of failure would creep in and often hold me back.
I remember getting nervous over whether to apply for the university scholarship, my mind flooded with worst-case scenarios. A friend asked me, “What if you succeed?” It was a perspective shift I needed.
I realized my fear of failure was really a fear of trying. Gradually, I started to reframe failure as feedback, an opportunity to learn and grow. When I finally took the plunge and applied for the scholarship, I felt a sense of accomplishment regardless of the outcome.
I didn’t get the scholarship, but the experience gave me valuable insights for my next attempt. Now, when I hear that “What if I fail?” voice, I counter it with “What if this is my chance to grow?”
Phrase #8: “I don’t think I can…”
“I don’t think I can handle that project,” I’d say, or “I don’t think I can learn that new skill.” This phrase was my go-to whenever I faced a challenge that seemed even slightly out of my comfort zone.
What I didn’t realize was that by saying “I don’t think I can,” I was essentially giving up before I’d even tried. By doing this, I was doubting my abilities, and I was setting myself up for failure.
The turning point came when my sister highlighted this and in fact challenged me to replace “I don’t think I can” with “I’ll figure it out.” When a new project landed on my desk in my second job, instead of my usual self-doubt, I said, “this looks challenging, but I’ll figure it out.”
That simple shift in language opened up a world of possibilities. I approached the task with a problem-solving mindset rather than defeatism, and to my surprise, I not only completed the project but did pretty well at it.
Phrase #9: “I should be able to…”
“I should be able to finish this report in an hour,” I’d think, or “I should be able to handle this stress better.” This phrase was my inner critic’s favorite weapon, always ready to point out where I was falling short of some imaginary standard.
What I didn’t realize was that “should” was loading me down with unrealistic expectations and unnecessary guilt. A breakthrough came during a therapy session when my counselor asked, “says who? Who says you should?” It made me pause.
I started to challenge these “shoulds.” Instead of “I should be able to do this faster,” I began to say, “I’m doing my best at my current pace.” This shift helped me recognize my progress rather than focusing on perceived shortcomings. It was liberating to realize that I didn’t have to meet some arbitrary standard to be worthy or competent.
Phrase #10: “This may sound silly, but…”
“This may sound silly, but what if we tried a different approach?” I’d preface my ideas in meetings. Or, “This may sound silly, but I’ve been thinking about changing careers.” This phrase was my safety net, a way to cushion the potential blow of rejection or ridicule.
By labeling my thoughts as potentially “silly,” I was inviting others to dismiss them – and me – before I’d even fully expressed myself. The shift came when a colleague pointed out, “your ideas aren’t silly. Why do you keep saying that?” It was a wake-up call.
I started to present my thoughts without the self-deprecating intro. In a brainstorming session, instead of my usual preface, I confidently said, “I have an idea I’d like to share.” To my surprise, my suggestion was met with enthusiasm and even implemented.
It taught me that my ideas had value, and by presenting them confidently, others were more likely to see that value too.
The power of words: How language shapes our personality and confidence
Words are more than just sounds or symbols on a page – they’re the building blocks of our reality. The language we use, especially when talking about ourselves, can dramatically impact our confidence levels.
I remember a time when I constantly described myself as “just a beginner” in my field. Every time I said those words, I felt smaller, less capable. But when I started saying “I’m continuously learning and improving,” I noticed a shift.
My confidence level grew, and others began to take me more seriously. This isn’t just anecdotal – psychological studies have shown that positive self-talk can boost self-esteem and performance. You will find hundreds of articles and videos online from successful people emphasizing positive self-talk.
By consciously choosing empowering words, we can rewire our brains to believe in our abilities. It’s nothing but giving ourselves the credit we deserve and opening doors to new opportunities.
